I used to attend a bible study when I was in high school. I remember
at the beginning of every study, we would begin with 20 to 30 minutes of
worship with just one or two people playing a guitar. Back then (and currently
to some extent), I was the kid that needed to be the center of attention. I remember
going as far as making up hand motions to one of my favorite worship songs, “Light
the Fire Again.” As soon as I did so, I lost sight of the true meaning of the
words I was singing and made it more about myself. I’ll come back to this in a
moment.
Fast forward
about twelve years later to this past Sunday. I was sitting in a church service
at my parents’ church listening to an amazing worship service then followed by
a very refreshing sermon by a guest speaker. The pastor talked about the “Three
Tents” of God that occurred in the bible. I will not attempt to do the sermon
justice, but essentially he discussed how God was present at ALL TIMES in the
bible. To take one example from the Old Testament, God’s chosen people had a
physical sign that God was near (cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night-
Exodus 13:21). There were also many accounts where His people would go astray
but God would lead them back to Him.
As I sat
in my pew listening to the pastor, my heart began to sink. I couldn’t remember
the last time I had truly prayed to God in the past several weeks. I began to
be so hard on myself, I began to question my motives for what I was doing in my
daily life. Was I doing things to bring glory to God or was I doing them
because I thought it was the right thing to do? There is a big difference
between the two. I can do something because my mom and dad or someone taught me
it was polite or “the right thing” to do, but I can still be a grump about it.
By doing something because I know that Jesus would do it or would have me do
it, is a whole different ball game.
Continuing to feel sick to my stomach with
this relational truth, I decided not to ignore it but chase the feeling. Unfortunately,
as flesh and bone and mere humans, we try to ignore the things that make us
feel uneasy or bad about ourselves. It is hard for us to own our truths or
faults. God brings us all to metaphorical forks in the road; it can be occasional,
sporadic, or even daily, but He always puts these “opportunities” in front of
us. It is up to us to decide which way we will turn.
As for
me, I am decided to go forward and get to the root of my wandering from God. I
don’t want to look the other way and chase something that “feels right” or is
the “easy way out”. I want to be able to answer God when He asks me one day, “Why
should I let you into MY Kingdom?” I want to be able to tell Him that I ran
after Him and chose him over anything else that was around me! That it was Him
that guided ever decision I made for me and my family.
To start
this path, I (and perhaps you if you are reading this) need to do one thing;
come back to Him and recalibrate. As I was thinking about this, I was reminded
of that song I sang over 12 years ago in bible study and was reminded of its
true words and meaning. Today I leave you the lyrics below as a closing prayer.
In my random thoughts and sporadic talk, I hope you understand what I am
getting at, if not hopefully the words will do the work. I apologize for being
away from my blog for so long. Here’s to a renewal.
Don't let my love grow cold
I'm calling out
Light the fire again
Don't let my vision die
I'm calling out
Light the fire again
You know my heart, my deeds
I'm calling out
Light the fire again
I need Your discipline
I'm calling out
Light the fire again
I am here to buy gold
Refined in the fire
Naked and poor
Wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white
So I won't be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again
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