Judgey von Holierthanthou

Anyone close to me knows my love for the old TV show, Friends.  For the longest time and still in a few circles people refer to me as Chandler.  Anyways, there is this one scene in Friends where Ross is telling his student of a girlfriend his nicknames for kids in his class; Sleepy Sleeperson, Smelly von Brownshirt, and Cutie McPretty (yes it is a gift and a curse being able to remember that, it is my “special power” I guess.)  Then a colleague of Ross’s sees him from a distance and calls to him.  Ross, knowing that he shouldn’t be dating a student, pushes her into an alley.  Later on as he describes the events to his friends he describes the other professor as Judgey von Holierthanthou.

Although that particular situation is not the focus of this post, I really like the name “Judgey von Holierthanthou.”  I feel that it sums up how many people feel about Christians in general.  And maybe it’s not just Christians; obviously we ALL can be pretty “judgey” and critical of others.  Of course I am pointing a finger at myself in this matter.  Let’s be honest for a second though; judging others is so easy to do.  It’s a good way of taking the attention from our own imperfections and turning them towards something we THINK is worse.

Most people will tell you that I am a pretty easy going person.  I enjoy having fun and cracking jokes.  I like to think of myself as someone who is easy to talk to as well.  Something that many people don’t know about me is that I HAVE to be liked.  I don’t know what it is but I just have this obsession of wanting and having people like me.  Yes, there are a few exceptions to this, but 95% of the time, this is true. 

This wanting comes out in the way I interact with those around me.  I find myself agreeing with people when it comes to the judgment of others.  For example, I was talking with some coworkers and the subject quickly changed as one of them started to talk negatively about one of our other coworkers.  “I just don’t get why ‘blank’ does what they do?  They are a piece of work.”  I am paraphrasing of course.  At that moment, I wanted to feel accepted and feel like ‘one of the group’ so I added, “I know right.  I also hate that ‘blank’ does this too.”  Again, paraphrasing.

Late last week, I was in a very similar situation and I started to chime in as usual when I could hear God asking me, “Why?  Why are you doing this?”  My entire body tensed up and my arm hair stood straight up at the question.  Conviction!  Why was I sitting there casting judgment on others and gossiping about them behind their back?  I felt like complete scum.  I know that I have my own insecurities, but the consequences of these actions go deeper than that.

As I previously mentioned, it is perceived by many people who are nonbelievers that Christians act like “Judgey von Holierthanthous” and judge them over all their actions.  I remember my wife telling me a story about a friend of hers (a nonbeliever) that confessed a sin that she committed in her life and with genuine sorrow turned to my wife and said, “Do you hate me now?”  My wife without hesitation responded, “Of course not.  Why would I hate you?”  Her friend’s simple response was, “You know because of Jesus.”  WOW!  This is how a lot of nonbelievers feel in my opinion.  They feel that because us Christians believe and follow Jesus that we will judge them for their sin.  I would like to say that my wife did an awesome job and told her that it is actually because of Jesus that she didn’t judge her and loved her no matter what.

My wife’s response is a prime example of how we should treat those who sin or do things that we may not necessarily agree with; surround them with love.  By gossiping with my coworkers I am not supporting the sinner.  As a matter of fact I am actually damaging the reputation of other Christians!  If nonbelievers believe that all Christians are judgmental and I sit there and badmouth others like all the rest of them, then how am I showing the love of Christ or representing the Kingdom of God?!  Simple: I’m not!

1 John 4:7-8 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”  As it shows in these scriptures, I have been born of God after accepting Jesus as my Savior; therefore I am now love as well.  God’s love should be shining through me!!

So to refer back to my original post, there is a turning away aspect to this whole thing.  For me, I must turn away from negative conversations with my coworkers.  I don’t want them thinking I am just another gossip.  I want them to see that I am different.  In addition, I need to stand up for those that are being gossiped against.  Yesterday I attempted this.  As I was in a conversation with a coworker, the subject quickly changed towards gossip of another.  Instead of adding on, I decided to defend the other person a little and try to view things from their perspective.  I was so nervous, but I did it anyways.  And guess what; the other person started to agree with me.  Man, God is so good.  This was only a baby step, but a step none the less.

Okay so case closed right?  Wrong!  There is always a deeper meaning.  I mentioned earlier that I have this inner drive to be liked.  Why is that?  What is the root of this nature in my life?  I started to ponder these questions.  I tried to think back on my childhood and different events from my life that may have shaped my thinking and my need and wanting to be liked.  Then it dawned on me; none of that matters!  When I gave my life to Christ I became a new creation.  I buried my old self and became a new person in Christ Jesus.  But now you are thinking, yeah but you still act that way so why is that?

I had the same question and so I thought a little bit more.  Then finally I figured it out.  TOTAL SURRENDER!  Yes I am a new creation in Christ, but I still find myself trying to do things on my own power.  I try to overcome my obstacles by human means and not Godly.  I have not SURRENDERED this aspect of my life to God!  Before I can change this wanting of being liked in my life, I first need to understand that I cannot do it on my own by giving it to God in prayer.  Only then can I start the process of letting God show me how to change this in my life.  Perhaps I need to look at a few other areas in my life and use this model to get free (DUH)!  IDENTIFY the sin, SURRENDER it to God, TURN from it, and then get FREE!

Thank you Jesus for revealing a weakness in my life and I cannot go at alone.  I surrender my urge to want to correct my insecurity to you.  Please take it from me Father and heal me.  Show me the ways and steps I must take to correct this in my life so I can bring glory to your Kingdom.  Thank you for setting me free!  In Jesus name, Amen!