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Lord, Light the Fire Again

              I used to attend a bible study when I was in high school. I remember at the beginning of every study, we would begin with 20 to 30 minutes of worship with just one or two people playing a guitar. Back then (and currently to some extent), I was the kid that needed to be the center of attention. I remember going as far as making up hand motions to one of my favorite worship songs, “Light the Fire Again.” As soon as I did so, I lost sight of the true meaning of the words I was singing and made it more about myself. I’ll come back to this in a moment.
               Fast forward about twelve years later to this past Sunday. I was sitting in a church service at my parents’ church listening to an amazing worship service then followed by a very refreshing sermon by a guest speaker. The pastor talked about the “Three Tents” of God that occurred in the bible. I will not attempt to do the sermon justice, but essentially he discussed how God was present at ALL TIMES in the bible. To take one example from the Old Testament, God’s chosen people had a physical sign that God was near (cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night- Exodus 13:21). There were also many accounts where His people would go astray but God would lead them back to Him.
               As I sat in my pew listening to the pastor, my heart began to sink. I couldn’t remember the last time I had truly prayed to God in the past several weeks. I began to be so hard on myself, I began to question my motives for what I was doing in my daily life. Was I doing things to bring glory to God or was I doing them because I thought it was the right thing to do? There is a big difference between the two. I can do something because my mom and dad or someone taught me it was polite or “the right thing” to do, but I can still be a grump about it. By doing something because I know that Jesus would do it or would have me do it, is a whole different ball game.
                Continuing to feel sick to my stomach with this relational truth, I decided not to ignore it but chase the feeling. Unfortunately, as flesh and bone and mere humans, we try to ignore the things that make us feel uneasy or bad about ourselves. It is hard for us to own our truths or faults. God brings us all to metaphorical forks in the road; it can be occasional, sporadic, or even daily, but He always puts these “opportunities” in front of us. It is up to us to decide which way we will turn.
               As for me, I am decided to go forward and get to the root of my wandering from God. I don’t want to look the other way and chase something that “feels right” or is the “easy way out”. I want to be able to answer God when He asks me one day, “Why should I let you into MY Kingdom?” I want to be able to tell Him that I ran after Him and chose him over anything else that was around me! That it was Him that guided ever decision I made for me and my family.
               To start this path, I (and perhaps you if you are reading this) need to do one thing; come back to Him and recalibrate. As I was thinking about this, I was reminded of that song I sang over 12 years ago in bible study and was reminded of its true words and meaning. Today I leave you the lyrics below as a closing prayer. In my random thoughts and sporadic talk, I hope you understand what I am getting at, if not hopefully the words will do the work. I apologize for being away from my blog for so long. Here’s to a renewal.

Don't let my love grow cold
I'm calling out
Light the fire again
Don't let my vision die
I'm calling out
Light the fire again

You know my heart, my deeds
I'm calling out
Light the fire again
I need Your discipline
I'm calling out
Light the fire again

I am here to buy gold
Refined in the fire
Naked and poor
Wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white
So I won't be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again

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