Children: Our Own Little Mirror

As a parent, we all have those days. Those days where the screaming and crying and whining and just pure chaos of life with kids gets to you. You have stayed calm and collective, for as long as your emotions will allow you. You've kept a soothing voice as you continue to repeat, “No ma’am, we do not jump on your brother,” or “No ma’am, we do not hit” or fill in the blank.  And for the most part they tend to listen for at least for a little while until they go right back to doing it again. The life of having a three-nager.

But as I have said, you reach the point where you crack. This is when you start shouting at the top of your lungs at your child, telling them to stop and for them to listen to you. I have been at this breaking point plenty of times over the past few months as my daughter works through her independence and as most people put it; typical 2-3 year-old phase.

            I have defended myself in my anger saying that I don’t yell at them all the time and I only yell after my daughter has blatantly disobeyed me multiple times. Now before this turns into a debate on how you should talk or not yell at your children, let me tell you something I have noticed very quickly the past few weeks.

            I have noticed that when I start to yell at my daughter, very seldom does she cry or show much remorse for her actions. Sure she listens to me on occasion, but the main thing is she shows anger back at me!  As soon as I start to raise my voice and visually show frustration with her, she immediately mimics my emotions.  She grits her teeth, flares her nostrils, and lowers her brows and talks in the same manner.

            At first, I got even more upset when she did this until I realized it is not her fault.  She is simply mirroring my emotions and actions.  So when I get to the bottom of it, I am actually looking at myself when I look at her. It’s not pretty.

I know it can be frustrating dealing with kids at times, especially in the midst of the Terrible-Twos, or the Tyrannical-Threes.  Ephesians 6:4 states, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

With my actions and emotions, I am provoking my children to anger. I do not have the perfect answer to prevent this from occurring, but I know this must change. Taking deep breathes, counting to ten, walking away for a moment, praying, and know that God is in control. We must fight to raise our children up in a spiritual and Godly atmosphere.