Self-Centered

           Growing up and until recently, I have always considered myself a pretty self-LESS person.  Even before I became a Christian during my Middle school years, I always found joy in helping and serving others.  It was second nature to me. 

I can remember on many occasions I would just give away some of my stuff to others.  I went on a mission’s trip to Brazil one time and gave away my own socks, shirts, and other misc. stuff.  Even when it came to tithing I would put $20 in an envelope and my parents would put it in the offering bucket.  To me, that wasn't enough.  So when the bucket would pass, I would sometimes throw in a few extra dollars from my “fun” money.

I don’t mean to sound arrogant or brag in any way by telling you this.  I am trying to simply paint a picture of my younger self.  Unfortunately, this type of thinking and lifestyle has changed over the years.  I know it wasn't an immediate change but rather a gradual shift ever since I graduated college.

This brings me to current.  Until very recently, I have still considered myself a fairly selfless person. Then, my wife pointed something out to me.  My wife, daughter, and I were in the living room eating dinner.  I had just put my son to bed.  My daughter likes to see what mommy is eating and often asks for some of her food.  This time around, she asked me if she could have a bite of my dinner.

“No sweetheart, you have your own food you need to eat,” I responded.

“But I want some of dat, daddy,” she countered.

“No baby, this is daddy’s food.”

She was crushed and within a few seconds threw a temper tantrum.  I didn't pay much attention since that is kind of her “thing” as of late; throwing tantrums.  But then my wife engaged in a very revealing conversation.

“Why won’t you share with her?” she asked.

“She has her own food.  She needs to learn not to eat off of other’s plates,” I reasoned.

“She’s two (almost three)!  We aren't teaching her bad habits, we are simply teaching her to share.”

I am paraphrasing for the sake of the blog, but she was right.  Man do I hate it sometimes when I get “called out” like that.  Who doesn't right?  But God was using my wife in this instance to show me something bigger than “sharing”.  The rest of the night, I kept coming back to that situation and my mind expanded on the topic from there.  If I can’t share with my little daughter, then what else can’t I share?  I started to remember my earlier years before I became an “adult” and had to make it on my own so to speak.  Am I living life that way anymore? Nope!   

When was the last time I did something PURELY selfless?  I sat there and tried to think of examples.  Every night, I try and do the dishes before the kids go to bed.  Yeah but you are sacrificing time with your family while they are awake just so you can sit on the couch and watch TV once everyone is asleep.  OK, well…umm…I organized a work birthday celebration the other week!  Only because no one else said they would after a week of being asked for volunteers.  You didn't jump to it right away and volunteer; you did it reluctantly!

I’m not joking; this is how I internalize things!  Everything I thought of, my inner voice (God) showed me my true nature.  It was then I realized how bad I have become.  When was the last time I helped someone in need or did something for someone without being prompted?  I am so self-centered; I only ask myself the question; what can someone do for ME?  Or what can I do for myself?

I haven’t helped others in need.  I haven’t given to anyone let alone the church “until it hurt.”  I haven’t sacrificed my time and energy for something other than myself in a really long time.  To come full circle, I haven’t even sacrificed my own food for my DAUGHTER for crying out loud!  What has happened to me?!

Why can’t I be like my old self?  I want to be like the kid from middle and high school who would do anything to help a friend or even a stranger in need.  I miss that guy.  So how do I get back there?  I have been struggling with that question for a while now.  After much prayer and thought, I think I have come up with an answer.

It isn't life shattering or a ten step program.  It is a simple concept that can be very difficult to live out.  To be that person, I have to make a conscious decision to live life differently.  I have to remember to think of others before myself. 

There are many obvious Bible verses to quote here, but I will say that I need to exercise Galatians 5:13-14, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”  I must constantly die to myself daily and put others before me.  It also doesn't hurt to stay in God’s word and connect with Him through prayer.J

God, thank you for using my wife to communicate to me the things I need to change.  I pray that you will constantly remind me to put others first before myself.  Help me die to myself daily and seek your face more so that YOUR love and goodness shines through me.  In Jesus’ name I pray, amen!